One of the most beautiful aspects of co-parenting is that it’s a fresh start to a new strategic partnership. What happened in the past no longer matters — it’s time for you and your former partner to establish new rules and a code of conduct for your new relationship that is solely focused on keeping your children happy, healthy, and successful in their lives.

To help keep you and your partner focused on the right priorities and maintaining a positive, collaborative relationship, try following our four keys to co-parenting success:

Know your boundaries, your values, and your worth: It’s important to learn to recognize the early signs of what a breach of boundaries feels like. Practice communicating your values in a variety of scenarios, and prepare tools and phrases to help you make an easy exit when necessary. (ie. Can we chat about this later today after I have more time to think about it?)

Stick to the facts and avoid emotionally-charged communication: It’s crucial that you remember to never respond when you feel activated or emotional – neither you, nor your former partner, will ever get the end result you want or need. Again, have your back pocket phrases and an exit strategy ready so that you can quickly remove yourself from an uncomfortable situation, and come back when you’re more prepared.

Avoid asking any unnecessary questions about what happens in the other parent’s home: If your children offer or share information, the only reason to engage on this topic would be to help guide them to form their own opinions on the situation. (ie. Asking questions like, “How did that make you feel?”)

Never talk to your former partner through your children: Don’t let your children be in the middle of your discussions. Remember to stay focused on your divorce agreement, and handle all communication according to your values and your vision statement.