In the early days of your separation, communicating with your former partner can feel awkward, unfamiliar, and stressful. Some of your conversations will undoubtedly cause friction, bring up emotions, and activate you. And while texting may seem like the quickest and easiest way to talk to each other, it’s also more likely to lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. It’s just way too easy to send an angry text that ends up causing more problems than you’d intended.

So before you fire off an immediate reply to the next message your former partner sends, try asking yourself the following questions to make sure your reply is calm, concise, and drama-free.

Is this a child-centred concern? If NO, then there’s no need to reply to this message. If YES, then…

Does it address 1-2 concerns at most? If NO, then revisit the message later or prioritize the most important concerns to handle via text. If YES, then…

Is it clear, concise, kind, and positive? If NO, then revisit the message later. If YES, then…

Is someone hurt or ill? If YES, then call them instead of texting back. If NO, then…

Are you calm and sober? If YES, then go ahead and send that message you want to send. If NO, then revisit the message later.