Narcissists are used to bullying others into getting what they want, and this often goes into overdrive when they’re fighting back after their marriage falls apart. So how do you shut them down when they seem determined to do anything to “win”? Try following these three steps:
When you’re up against someone who makes you feel small, you need to learn to take a pause to get out of your emotional brain (a space where you don’t have control), and get into your thinking brain. This will give you the space to filter the situation and align it with your own needs and boundaries.
Now that you’ve taken a pause before engaging, you need to learn how to use this space to lean in with curiosity and to harness a growth mindset in creating new healthy boundaries for yourself. To start, try asking yourself three key questions about the situation:
● Is this aligned with my values?
● Am I capable of doing this
● And do I want to?
Whether your answer is a “yes”, a flat-out “no”, or you need to find a compromise, this is where you’ll test your boundaries the most. Practicing holding strong to your boundaries can be really uncomfortable (especially if you’re a people pleaser at heart!), and your former partner will probably fight back harder in response.
But remember: you are not responsible for their actions, choices, or emotions. If you spoke your truth with respect, integrity, and kindness, then you’ve stayed true to yourself and your needs.
Feel whole, hopeful and happy while you crush divorce and transform into your authentic self with quick wins, mindset shifts and growth through mindful reflection. All that helped me to quickly re-set during challenging and forgiving times through divorce.
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