How Do I Shut Down My Narcissistic Ex?

Narcissists are used to bullying others into getting what they want, and this often goes into overdrive when they’re fighting back after their marriage falls apart. So how do you shut them down when they seem determined to do anything to “win”? Try following these three steps:

Step 1: Don’t engage in emotional interactions with them

When you’re up against someone who makes you feel small, you need to learn to take a pause to get out of your emotional brain (a space where you don’t have control), and get into your thinking brain. This will give you the space to filter the situation and align it with your own needs and boundaries.

Step 2: Create space to filter the request against your own boundaries

Now that you’ve taken a pause before engaging, you need to learn how to use this space to lean in with curiosity and to harness a growth mindset in creating new healthy boundaries for yourself. To start, try asking yourself three key questions about the situation:

●      Is this aligned with my values?

●      Am I capable of doing this

●      And do I want to?

Step 3: Respond in a way that respects your boundaries

Whether your answer is a “yes”, a flat-out “no”, or you need to find a compromise, this is where you’ll test your boundaries the most. Practicing holding strong to your boundaries can be really uncomfortable (especially if you’re a people pleaser at heart!), and your former partner will probably fight back harder in response.

But remember: you are not responsible for their actions, choices, or emotions. If you spoke your truth with respect, integrity, and kindness, then you’ve stayed true to yourself and your needs.