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March 02, 20233 min read

If you’ve been thinking about getting a divorce, you’ve probably found that your mind is constantly going in circles while you try to make the best decision. You’re likely asking yourself the same questions over and over again, and you’re feeling frozen with uncertainty. From fears of regret to worrying about your kids and your finances, let’s break down the four most common questions that keep most women paralyzed with indecision.

Will I regret it? Am I making a bad decision?

Throughout our lives, we tend to fear feelings of regret — but if you’re a conscientious, reflective person, you’re always going to look back at the choices you’ve made and re-evaluate them. Feeling some regret and remorse towards some of these decisions is completely normal, but it doesn’t mean that you’ve made the wrong decision, because you can only make decisions with as much information as you currently have. If you can maintain a learning mindset, you can learn to be more comfortable with your past choices. It’s impossible to know what your 80 year old self will think of all of your decisions, but just remember — there usually isn’t one perfect choice to be made, and there is a lot of power in simply making a decision one way or another.

Will my kids be okay?

If you’ll be okay, then your kids will be okay. At the end of the day, it truly is that simple. Depending on the circumstances (and how well you and your former partner can learn to co-parent), divorce doesn’t have to hurt your children — in fact, we wrote about four surprising ways that divorce can actually benefit your kids, including how it can help them gain stability and build empathy.

Will I make it on my own financially?

Armed with a plan and the right support team, it’s entirely possible for you to achieve financial stability on your own — and even build on your wealth, too. Not sure who to hire and how to choose the right team? With a financial advisor, a financial coach, an accountant, and an investment manager on your side, you’ll be able to set yourself up for financial safety and security. Read our blog post on how to choose the right financial team to help you take those next steps.

If you’re being financially abused, there are support systems for you to turn to if you are willing to get comfortable with asking for help. Grant programs exist to help women in these exact situations, and your friends and family will likely want to support you however they can.

Is the risk and effort worth coming out of my comfort zone?

The answer to this question is incredibly personal and can be really challenging to evaluate. Try looking at your current state of being as a scale from 0 to 10 — we’ve added a few words to give you an idea of what each level might mean:

●     0 to 3: depression, rock bottom

●     4 to 6: survival mode, perpetual burnout, anxiety, not having a plan, identity loss

●     7 to 10: thriving, clarity, focus, energized, excited, happy, freedom

Where do you see yourself on this scale? If it’s below a 7, consider what it’s costing you to exist at that level. Divorce is very often the start of a journey towards self-acceptance and self-worth — a time for you to finally believe that you are worthy of a life filled with happiness, energy, and clarity. Maybe it’s time to put yourself first by aligning with your core values and focusing on self-improvement. Remember: you deserve to not just survive your divorce, but thrive through it.

This is exactly why I created the Divorce Project Planner - it has everything I need but couldn’t find in my own divorce. You can get your copy here.

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