Most women think the biggest challenge in divorce is figuring out what to do.

In reality, it’s figuring out why they want it.

This is where the first blindspot shows up.

At the beginning of divorce, most women fixate on the immediate outcome they want:

• Less tension at home

• Relief from walking on eggshells

• Something fair

• A plan that won’t trigger him

• A quick, clean agreement

• A soft landing for their kids

• Space

• Peace

• Or simply… an end to emotional exhaustion
  

These are valid desires.

But they’re not final outcomes.
They’re emotional states.

And when emotions dictate strategy, women unknowingly set themselves up for long-term financial, legal, and parenting consequences.

This is what I call the Desired Outcome Blindspot.

What This Blindspot Really Means

When your nervous system is overloaded, the brain reaches for the fastest path to relief.

Your focus narrows.
Your priorities shift.
Your decision-making becomes short-term.

You stop thinking like the woman who will need to rebuild her life.
You start thinking like the woman who just needs to get through the next 24 hours.

This creates a painful mismatch between:

What you want today…vs. What your future self will need.

And divorce is one of the only experiences in life where those two versions of you need completely different things.

How This Blindspot Shows Up

Women caught in this blindspot often:

• Agree to “quick deals”

• Lower expectations to keep the peace

• Ask for less than they need

• Skip essential financial planning

• Let guilt overshadow strategy

• Fail to document contributions to the home or finances

• Assume cooperation instead of preparing for resistance

• Make emotional decisions inside a legal process
  

In other words…

They solve today’s discomfort
at the expense of tomorrow’s stability.

A Real Example (Names Changed)

Sarah wanted a “simple, peaceful” divorce.

She didn’t want to fight.
She didn’t want lawyers involved early.
She didn’t want conflict around custody.

So when her former partner suggested 50/50 and “splitting everything down the middle,” she agreed — just to keep things calm.

Months later, she realized:

• She had invested more in the home renovation

• She had paused her career for childcare

• She was the primary parent for years

• And she would be the one carrying the long-term financial load
  

But by then, they had built their entire negotiation on the early assumptions she’d made during the Desired Outcome Blindspot.

It cost her years of financial stability — and $30,000 in legal fees to fix.

What You Must Understand

There’s nothing wrong with wanting peace, cooperation, or a calm process.

But peace is not a strategy.

And cooperation is not a plan.

You are not negotiating for the woman you are today — emotional, overwhelmed, exhausted, scared.

You are negotiating for:

• The woman who will rebuild

• The woman who will co-parent

• The woman who will pay the bills

• The woman who will step into a new identity

• The woman your kids will rely on

• The woman who deserves stability, clarity, and a future she can trust
  

You can’t build a stable future on unstable decisions.

Breaking the Blindspot

Here’s what shifts everything:

Separate your desired emotional state from your strategic goals.

Ask yourself:

• What do I want long-term, not just short-term?

• What would my future self thank me for?

• What financial or parenting decisions will matter in 3–5 years?

• What am I afraid to ask for — and why?

• Where am I thinking emotionally instead of strategically?

• What would I decide if I weren’t scared of his reaction?
  

When you approach divorce from clarity instead of urgency, everything changes.

This is the first—and most essential—step to protecting your long-term wellbeing.

If this blindspot hit home…

You’re not alone. And you’re not behind.

Most women don’t see this pattern until it’s too late.

But once you name it, you can change it.

If you want support, strategy, and a plan that aligns your present needs with your future life, this is what we do every day inside Lemonade Life.

Ready to explore what that might look like for you?

👉 Book your free strategy call here

Let’s make sure you’re leading—not reacting—to whatever happens next.